Why Run?

When I tell people I run the most common response I get back is, ”wow you’re very good, I can’t even run for a bus..”  

I never  thought I would be an avid runner,  it always seemed to look so painful and boring.  But there I was two years ago, fed up with paying extortionate gym fees and with three gorgeous London parks on my doorstep, signing up for my first 10k.  Once you are committed to an event and have started to beg anyone and everyone you know for sponsorship, it sort of becomes an obligation then – there is no going back!  I had been approached by a UK charity based in London who work with street kids in Brazil (ABC trust) and I promised to raise them at least £250.  I was bowled over when I received my first sponsor of £150!  I didn’t even know the person who had pledged it that well – but they obviously really wanted to donate their money and they trusted me to run that 6 and a half miles – and not collapse en route!

Because of work commitments, the only time I could run was 6.30/7am in the morning.  I am used to getting up early for filming, but this was a real penance for me - when I first began my four month training it was not quite spring yet, so I was getting up before the sun and heading out in the icy cold (donning a hideous pink beanie hat!)  But my heart soon lifted, as I frequently watched the glorious sun rise over my beautiful city, and I felt I got my work day off to a good start.  The benefits of running certainly outweigh the negatives.  It lifts your mood, calms stress, burns calories and tones your body.

As for the 10k itself, well to be honest, it was not the easiest thing I had ever done – two days before I pulled a muscle in my hamstring, so I ran with a whiff of eau de Deep Heat about me. I also didn’t pace myself very well, so two and a half miles in I wanted to give up!   But the feeling I got at the finish and for the rest of the day was the best in the world, and one I want to bottle and use whenever I am feeling down. It was amazing!  I now know why people run the marathon, while most of us sit back and watch in horror from the comfort of our sofas.  It is just so rewarding.

This year, I am running the British 10k in July for ‘Winston’s Wish', a charity based in my hometown of Gloucestershire who work with bereaved children and their families. I am doing it in memory of a family friend who died last year aged 33.  Whenever I don’t want to get up at the crack of dawn to run, or my shins hurt, I think of her and her two beautiful children Lauren and Louie.

Watch this space, as I may be asking for sponsorship soon ;-)

J x

A few tips for running:

• Invest in a decent pair of running shoes!  Don’t ever just run in plimsolls/cheap trainers.

• Make sure you warm up before running and  warm down after – walking and jogging is good for a warm up, stretching is better for warming down.

• If you’re new to running, start with just 15 mins one day, 20 mins the next. You can build up to an hour if you want, once you are a regular runner.

• Never run when you have a heavy cold or are recovering from ‘flu.  Remember this saying:  “You must listen to your body. Run through annoyance, but not through pain."

• Don’t eat too much just before you run – this will cause a stitch.

• Sip water as you run esp. during summer – don’t gulp down too much (causes a stitch too).

• Run in the park, as opposed  to the main roads, and if possible on the grass.

• If 'not in the mood to run’:  don’t analyse/think too much before hand, just get out and run – you will feel better after.

• If you prefer to run on your own:  load your iPod with upbeat songs. http://www.amazon.co.uk/101-Running-Songs-Various-Artists/dp/B002FWYKVQ

• Need the motivation:  get a running buddy who you can arrange to meet on a regular basis to chat with as you run  - the time will go quicker.

• Running with a partner also helps to pace yourself.

• Set a goal for yourself by signing up to run for a charity event – 5k, 10k, or half marathon.

• Finally ENJOY – it’s free to do (always a good thing!)

http://www.abctrust.org.uk/

http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/

My summer with Scorsese

It's not every day that you get a phone call saying that a very famous director has specifically picked you from a photo to work as an extra in his latest Hollywood movie.  This is what happened to me just over eighteen months ago.  An extra, you may say? Just an extra? Believe me, I would have worked as 2nd, 2nd assistant runner if it meant I would get just one glimpse of the fantastic and legendary film director that is Martin Scorsese, at work!

So my summer of fun, laughter, blood, sweat, and even some tears working on Hugo, began. Firstly I learnt what 'threading' was, as my eye brows were plucked and shaped within an inch of their lives. My long brown hair was cut into a short 1930's bob, and I was forbidden from getting a suntan on the few days we had off. We were played old black and white Pathe films of train stations and commuters and the sort of characters we would be portraying. We were taught to walk like 1930's ladies, and were dressed by Oscar winning costume designer Sandy Powell as if we were principle actors - an account of the fact that the story mainly unfolds in the train station and we could be featured. We had to wear real fur coats, during a heatwave, tight high heels, and hats that came down so low, you often couldn't see. We worked on average 12 hours per day, and spent more days on set with the cast and crew than at home with our families. Indeed someone stuck up a piece of paper in hair and make-up that read: "I have no life!" 

Every few weeks some of us had to have our hair cut again - nothing like having a hair cut at 6am - believe me, you don't chat about your next holiday, or if you are going out that night (we weren't..) you close your eyes and sleep. I fell in love with my make-up lady Pam who would see me at my worst, make me laugh and let me use her posh hand cream! I was slightly devastated when she left suddenly to go to be with Johnny Depp on the next Pirates of the Caribbean. She was soon replaced by Anna, whom I rushed to see every morning to be made beautiful with Ruby Woo lipstick and have a gossip and a giggle about important things, like boys. I developed a huge crush on my silent French hair stylist Julio - who on account of the language barrier, soothed my irritability and tiredness in the pre-dawn mornings with his soft hands and rendered me literally speechless as he painstakingly pin curled my hair. 

On set, we were entertained by Fraiser, the 2nd assistant director who lifted our spirits when we were tired and not just because he had the most stylish 3D glasses and wore pink socks. On stifling hot summer days when we feared we might faint from all the running about set in our  wintry costumes, Christian the 3rd assistant crowd director would regal us with funny stories of filming with 5,000 extras in films such as Rise of the Planet of the Apes, in more than 40 degrees heat. 

Now I am not a big dog fan and have a huge fear of some, but I often had to stand next to one of the three Doberman that were playing the station master's dog. It was here that I learnt patience, for every time they were told to sit, they would stand and vice versa. The boy dogs rarely did as they were told - much to their trainers' embarrassment.  It was then that they would bring on the girl dog, who was the perfect doggy actress.  As the weeks grew into months, I grew fond of them and one used to acknowledge me each day with a lick as she went past! Because of 'continuity' I was often placed up near the dog and Asa Butterfield, who plays Hugo Cabret, so therefore it meant I was next to Scorsese himself. It was amazing and a joy to be able to see how he directed both the two children and how they responded so well to him. He didn't particularly speak to us personally, but was observing us at all times, and on a couple of days his pa took our favourite Scorsese dvds and he signed them for us. 

There is so much more I could write about the wonderful summer I spent with Scorsese,  (like the day, one of the extras slipped and fell down, and we all suddenly got 'stunt money', for walking up and down the station stairs in heels), but this I will keep for my book (which I promise myself every day I will write..).

Hope you enjoy the film just as much as I did making it!

J x

Out of sight, but never out of mind

I recently caught a virus that was doing the rounds. This developed into a nasty throat infection, and being stuck at home feeling rather sorry for myself, I decided to turn my thoughts instead to Laura.  

After Laura’s funeral we were asked if we had photos and happy stories for her children’s Memory boxes.  A Memory box is a keepsake full of photos, letters, and mementos of a person who has died. It can be particularly helpful in assisting the grieving process, particularly with children.  Laura’s children are very young (8 and 6) and although they will have many memories of her, as they get older they may have to ‘borrow’ from others who knew her well, so that they can grow up with a real sense of the person she was.  This is where I come in.  

I have loads of memories of Laura as a child growing up, but they wanted a few of her late teens, early twenties, so I picked this amusing one. I think her children and family will enjoy reading it as much as I did remembering it.  I share it here with you on my blog:

One of the amusing memories I have of Laura, is when she worked at Wimbledon during the famous tennis tournament, it was somewhere around 1998/1999, when she was still at university.

If you studied at either St Mary’s College, Strawberry Hill, (me and my sister) or Roehampton College (as Laura did), it was everyone’s burning desire to earn some much needed cash by working at either the Rugby at Twickenham as a steward, or at the tennis at Wimbledon.  We all talked about it, but Laura was the only one who bothered to actually do it!  When I asked her what she would be doing, she proudly (whilst trying not to giggle too much) replied to me that she would be a toilet attendant.  I too, stifling a giggle, congratulated her on this job (wondering if being a steward would be somewhat more glam..). But she was very quick to point out that it wasn’t just the normal toilets she would be in charge of, but the players’ toilets – a great honour; to be replenishing soap and towels. 

So there we all were picturing Laura hard at work, folding fluffy towels and refreshing posh soap dispensers, when the BBC Six O’clock news came on our TVs.  One of the top headlines was Wimbledon of course – being that the Championships were in full swing. But imagine our surprise and to our great amusement when who should we also see on screen too, but Laura – right up at the front of the queue of fans!  It’s traditional for players to sign a few autographs for their fans on their way off centre court, and Laura couldn’t resist being amongst that crowd, apparently – seeing as she was actually there!  I can’t quite remember who the player was, but it was either Pete Sampras or Greg Rusedski, someone top anyway. 

The next time I saw Laura, I playfully scolded her, and asked her who then was actually attending her toilets, whilst she was busy mingling with famous tennis champions, and appearing on the BBC News? She just grinned back at me in the normal cheeky way she used to.

I love this memory of Laura as it reminds me of how laid back she was; never work shy, but always full of fun, childlike, and a bit quirky.

Laura you are gone from our lives but never ever forgotten.

Jane x

Life, Love and Death

Recently three people close to me died within the space of a month. It’s not the first time someone I know has died, and it will most certainly not be the last.  I am by no means the first person this has ever happened to. I am not unique or special, but I did want to put a few words down, not only to express how I felt in the days and weeks after, but to maybe help anyone who has also suffered the death of a loved one.

Death is a subject many people are averse to talking about. Indeed most people won’t even say the word. Instead they use words like, ‘passed away’ or ‘lost’. They often avoid contact with someone they know has just suffered the death of someone close to them, fearing they won’t know what to say to that person or how to deal with them.

But as the saying goes, there are two things certain in life: death and taxes! Some of us will live to a good old age - like my paternal grandmother who died at 85.  Some die relatively young such as my maternal grandfather, who I never got the chance to meet and who died at 60. Others are very young, like my best friend Hilary, who died when we were at school aged just 15.  There are no answers or reasons and most of the time death seems to make no sense at all and leaves mainly a loss so harsh that you physically feel the pain in your heart.

What I write here is by no means what everyone feels when they suffer bereavement.  Everyone feels different and will cope in their own way – there are no right or wrong ways to grieve, just as there are no right or wrong ways to comfort someone who is grieving.  It takes time and requires patience, kindness and understanding.  I would like to express how I have been feeling lately, and what I personally found helpful and comforting. 

I have recently gone through some of the harshest emotions I have in a long time. The first I felt was shock – numbness, quickly followed by disbelief.  Two of the deaths, and particularly my cousin in Italy were sudden and unexpected, so I found it hard to take in.  This was swiftly followed by an unbelievable sadness and terrible pain. I actually felt physical pain in the pit of my stomach. 

I am not one for crying as a rule, but I began to sob on a regular basis. It got to the point when I wondered when the tears would stop.  I found myself crying mainly at night, but also when out in the supermarket, or when I was running – which was better as because I was sweating too, no one knew I was crying!

Then came the anger - real intense and terrible anger. I wondered why someone aged only 33 would have their life cut short.  I was angry with God, I was angry with the doctors.  I was especially angry that two little children were left without their mummy, a young husband without his wife, and a mother without her daughter.    I also felt guilt.  There was a point when I felt I would gladly have swapped places with my friend Laura who was dying of cancer.  I am not married and don’t have children, and believed she deserved to live more than I did!

The next emotions that gripped me were fear and anxiety, which then led to insecurity and confusion.   I feared that everyone I knew and loved would drop down dead. I wondered if I myself might get ill. My cousin in Italy had leukaemia, which is also what my Italian grandmother had suffered from and what another cousin in the same family had as a child. This scared me. I began to withdraw a little from certain situations, and some people. Physically I didn’t want some people to touch me.  I remember at one of the funerals, someone came up to me and threw his arms around me, as if this would be nice for me – at the time it wasn’t.  One day I think I actually quite upset one person by telling her not to hug me when she greeted me for lunch. 

When people you love and care about leave you in life – whether through death or the breakdown of a relationship you often don’t want to form new relationships for fear that these people you start to care about may leave you too eventually. You start to ‘rubbish’ the friendships you are in already too.  I started to doubt whether people loved me anymore or cared about me.  At first, I found myself not returning people’s texts, or ignoring the phone.  I also found myself irritable with my family and had uncontrollable outbursts of anger towards my mother who is actually the person I am the closest to in my life.  I had periods when I just wanted to be totally alone and for no one to talk to me at all, or ask me how I was – how I was feeling.  But then I had moments when I just really needed a hug and someone to tell me that everything was going to be alright again – that life would get better. I also felt it incredibly helpful and somewhat consoling to talk, as well as listen, to people who had suffered the loss of a loved one themselves.  I didn’t think I would want to talk about it, but with someone I trusted, this was and still is, one of the ways that I am getting through this all.

Someone once told me that grief is the most powerful emotion you will ever feel.  I can vouch for that.  At times it has felt like it has engulfed me, and I have not wanted to be going through it. But in a strange way, I also feel like what I have been through these past 5 weeks or so, and what I am still experiencing, will help me grow stronger and hopefully make me a better more compassionate person. One of the commonest things people say after someone dies is that life is short and that therefore we should make the most of it.  This is so true, but I would add that your outlook on life changes – well mine did.    I don’t want to live with regrets or anger or bitterness. I want to live a meaningful, fulfilling life. I know that I want to spend more time with my family and friends and the people I love and to tell them I love them – so they know! 

Recently I was teaching my baby niece who is also my God-child, to say “I love you”, amusingly she just kept saying “Peppa Pig” (which is her favourite thing of all time at the moment).  She is only 22 months old, but I hope that she grows up feeling loved and that she loves others too.

One thing that was apparent from the funerals that I went to this last month was that they were all so loved by so many people and will be greatly missed.  Although this makes the loss more painful to a certain extent, how wonderful it is that they were.  Some people die without ever knowing the love of another person. 

Life is precious and is over in the blink of an eye.  I think this is the first time I have really understood this.  I thank God for my life so far and for the lives of those people around me, and hope that I am known as a kind and generous person and that my family and friends know how much I love them and that I appreciate their support.


Requiescat in pace Alan, Laura and Melina xxx

Remember me when I am gone away,

Gone far away into the silent land;

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day

You tell me of our future that you plann'd:

Only remember me; you understand

It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while

And afterwards remember, do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,

Better by far you should forget and smile

Than that you should remember and be sad.

 Christina Rossetti